January 24, 2023 by Mike Manazir – (4-5 minutes)
In Chapter 22 of my book Learn How to Lead to Win: 33 Powerful Stories and Leadership Lessons, I talk about authentic inclusion and share how I would go in the galley on the USS Carl Vinson and grab a paper hat, wrap the apron around my waist, and exclaim, “Petty Officer Smith, may I serve food next to you? This food looks good! Do you all want extras?” and we served a hundred crew members in minutes. Side-by-side. Just chatting and carrying on like two buddies, enjoying the camaraderie with grinning sailors. Petty Officer Smith was a big, demonstrative, fun-loving guy.
After a time, I’d blast out of there, clapping him on the back headed to the next shop to visit someone I knew. I’d be on my way, not even out of earshot yet, and I’d hear him say, “That’s my XO, damn!” It rocked me. It made me swell with pride. The last thing Petty Officer Smith wanted to do was disappoint me. The last thing I wanted to do was disappoint him. We were in it together. We had a bond that superseded our rank difference.
I derived my greatest satisfaction by doing something that gave me unexpected results. I expected my leadership to be judged on the merit of my skill as an aviator or a Skipper. Or even because I was The Big XO, positional authority demanding respect. But I found my leadership effectiveness depended on my people skills, my ability to connect with them. People don’t follow you because you are admirable at your job. They follow you because of how you make them feel.
Over the years, I would hear comments or reports of comments that gave me pause. It was hearing members of my crew say, “That’s my XO” or “That’s my Captain,” after I had left them. It was never said to my face. I got the feeling that it was not meant for me to hear. It was more the expression of a shared feeling among the crew. It was about me, but it was between them. They would say, “That’s my XO,” with a surety and a tone of pride.
By taking an interest in my crew as real people with real families, learning their names and being concerned for them, without realizing it, over time, we built an emotional connection. They felt my empathy for them, and they extended the same to me. It was powerful, personal, and difficult to describe.
It’s deeper than, “Hey, I like working for that guy” or “I like being on his team.” It’s deeper than that. It’s more like, “I’d walk through fire with that guy. That’s my XO.” “He’s got my back and I’ve got his.”
At the deepest levels of all human beings is the inalienable need and desire to be loved and to matter to others. This is the emotional underpinning to feeling valued. It is hardwired into our genetic makeup. Now you may run into people who are angry and grumpy and claim, “I don’t need anyone!” This anger is usually because they have been hurt going after love and meaning to others.
The pain is so deep and they have buried it in their subconscious mind for so long, they actually believe it. But it’s the anger and stubborn attitude that is the dead giveaway to me. Caring about people, and authentically showing that you value them, works with everyone. Sometimes, it takes some time for them to show a positive response. But given enough time, everyone comes around. Everyone craves human connection.
A successful organization has a robust Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion program. But, what can take that organization to the next level is when the organization leaders ensure there is a psychologically safe environment where inclusion is the watch word.
“Diversity and Inclusion” often makes people immediately think about issues of race affecting relationships in the workplace. It’s not just about race. You see, an inclusive atmosphere is where everyone feels included for their background, values, perspective and work. This psychologically safe environment is going to create opportunities to get the very best out of the team.
It is the leader’s primary role to ensure that an obvious atmosphere of inclusion is carefully cultivated and alive. Each team member must be committed to inclusiveness and be on the lookout for situations that might diminish the spirit of inclusion in the team. If any team member witnesses a situation where someone demonstrates an overt bias against another team mate – that bias may be unconscious or conscious – they must call it out. Remember, the inclusive environment must be cultivated to maintain it…fed, watered, given sunlight. That’s the attitude for success.
You can model inclusion singly; you can show others the proper role of the inclusive leader. You don’t wish for the environment to exist if it doesn’t, YOU help create it and help it flourish, even if you are not the person with the title.
Lead from your heart. Lead to Win.
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