MIKE’S GUIDE TO EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION – PART TWO
February 28, 2023 by Mike Manazir – (4-5 minutes)
A group of Vistage CEOs were asked that question, and all hands went up.
“Do members of your teams fail your expectations more often than they fulfill your expectations?” Some hands came down, but more than half remained in the air.
“So who has to own this? Who is at fault in these failed expectations, them, or you?” A somber tone settled in as the realization came down. This is a leadership communication issue that is borne by the leader.
Assuming HR has done their job, you’ve hired talented people who are good at what you hired them to do. Why is it that these talented people often fail to meet their leader’s expectations? They never get in their car to go to work with the thought, “I want to disappoint my boss today.”
So what’s the problem? Leader’s often fail to provide clarity in their communications. The boss will say, “I need that report from you as soon as possible,” and then is disappointed when they don’t have the report to take home to review over the weekend before a key meeting on Monday. Stay tuned, I’m going to help you with that. Follow my coaching and you will rarely be disappointed in that way again.
The first coaching point is to provide precise clarity for what you want. If Joe is producing an important report, you can make a couple of tweaks in your communication that will deliver a vastly different result.
“Joe, this report is important, when do you think you can get it to me?” Joe says, “I’m not sure, I’m really loaded up right now, maybe sometime Friday or maybe Monday.” You say, “I’d like to have some time to look at it and have some time to get back to you for any tweaks before the weekend. Can you get it to me by close of business Thursday?” “Ok, I’ll get it to you COB Thursday, but I’m either going to have to burn some midnight oil or let something slide to do that.”
If you genuinely care about your people, and you know Joe is carrying a heavy load for the business, I advise doing this, “Joe, I know you are really loaded up right now, what one thing could I lift off your plate that would help you get my report done and not have to stay late and miss dinner with Sally and the girls?” And then help lighten his load in some way. It shows you are real and you care.
That done, if it’s REALLY important that you have it by COB Thursday, you can say this to seal the deal, “Joe, I don’t want to belabor the point, but this is important. Can I count on you to get it to me by COB Thursday?” “Yes sir, I’ll get it to you Thursday COB.” Smile, look Joe in the eye and say, “Good. I knew I could count on you. I really appreciate the value you bring to the team.”
You provide this kind of clarity on what you want and when you want it… and secure a commitment from your employee to deliver it, come Thursday COB, you will either have your report, or Joe will be standing in a pile of blood trying to deliver it. He’ll do almost anything to keep from disappointing you.
It’s not always appropriate, but when the issue is important enough, and it is critically important that something is done by a certain time, you can nail down the commitment with this, “George, This is critical, I have to have it COB Friday for the weekend.” Then put out your hand and ask, “Can I count on you for that?” Look George in the eye and shake hands on it. In that moment is the bond of a promise made to be kept. George will deliver what you requested at the appointed time.
A variation of that is, “George, I know how busy you are and I don’t want you missing dinner with Mary Jane and the boys. When can you have this done?” The conversation could go something like this. “Well, if I don’t stay late to do it, I can maybe get it done sometime next week?” “When exactly next week?” You ask. After a long pause George says, “I’ll try to get it done sooner, but I promise to have it done on Friday.” “So COB Friday?” “Yes sir, COB Friday.” “OK, (put out your hand for a shake and look him in the eye and say) Can I count on you for that?” “Yes sir, you can count on that.” For most, that is a bond of trust, a promise to keep.
So, here’s the rule. Give clarity on what needs to be done, and when it needs to be done. If it is a critical timing issue, then be specific about securing the commitment for delivery of the task at the specific time. Be specific and your team will deliver. If not, 99% of the time, it’s on us as the leader. Give them a clear target to hit, and most of the time, they will hit it.
Let’s say you’ve done that, the appointed time arrives, and for whatever reason, it’s not done. You feel a flash of hot anger, which you contain and for the moment you say nothing, taking it in. What you don’t say is, “Why is it not done?” For starters, as we learned from Chris Voss, author of Negotiate for Your Life: Never Split the Difference and expert hostage negotiator, you don’t use “Why” because it triggers a defensive reaction from the other party and they will dive into a defense of why it isn’t done, which is a waste of your time.
You never do your best work when you’re triggered, so shut that dragon down and don’t let him out. Rather than wasting time with their “story” and crushing them as they expect with your anger, as calmly as you can, say something like, “Well, this is disappointing. I’m sure it’s disappointing for you too.” Here’s the magic question: “What’s the next thing that needs to happen?” And wait for their answer. Ask clarifying questions (with no heat from the dragon), and say, “Ok, I agree. When can you make that happen?” Wait for their answer, look him or her in the eye and say slowly and somberly, “Can I count on you for that?” If you have to do this more than once, you have to ask yourself if they really belong on your team.
The next coaching point is on how to be authentic in your communications and build trust.
Lead from your heart. Lead to Win.
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