The Leadership Secret You Can’t Fake

November 30, 2025 by Mike Manazir – (4-5 minutes)

Leadership Isn’t About You- It’s About How You Make Others Feel

Authentic Inclusion

USS Carl Vinson – At sea.

I’d walk into the galley, grab a paper hat, tie on an apron, and shout, “Petty Officer Smith, may I serve food next to you?” Then we’d ladle out a hundred meals side by side, laughing and swapping stories as sailors grinned. When I walked out, I’d hear it again—softly but proudly:

“That’s my XO, damn.”

It stopped me every time. The pride in that voice wasn’t about rank or skill—it was about connection. The last thing Petty Officer Smith wanted was to disappoint me. The last thing I wanted was to disappoint him. We were bound by respect, loyalty, and something even deeper: belonging.

Something Unexpected

I expected my leadership to be judged by my flying skills, command performance, or the title Big XO. But I discovered that real leadership is measured by emotional connection—how people feel when they’re around you.

People don’t follow you because you’re the best at your job. They follow you because of how you make them feel.

Over the years, I’d overhear my crew say, “That’s my XO” or “That’s my Captain.” It was never said to my face—it was something they said to one another. That was the bond: mutual pride born of authentic care.

They knew I valued them—not as cogs in the mission, but as people with families, struggles, and dreams. That authenticity built a loyalty no order could command.

Can’t Fake It

The secret is authenticity—you can’t fake it. People can sense when your care is genuine. When I tied on that galley apron, it wasn’t for show. I was having fun. I wanted to be there.

The moment you start wishing you were somewhere else, you’ve made leadership about yourself instead of them. Leadership is about them—how they feel, how they’re seen, how they’re valued. Even today in corporate settings, I’m intentional about creating that same energy: “I like you guys. I like being with you.” It’s simple. It’s real. And it builds belonging. When people say, “He’s my Captain,” they’re really saying, “We belong to each other.”

Leadership Lesson: Authentic Inclusion

Harvard Business Review’s The Three A’s of Inclusion by Ellen Bailey and colleagues identifies three pillars: Awareness, Authenticity, and Accountability.

Awareness begins with empathy. Know what your people are going through. Ask what they’re missing, what they’re carrying, and how you can lighten their load.

Authenticity can’t be taught—it has to be lived. If it’s about you, they’ll know.

Accountability ensures inclusion cascades through your culture. Model empathy so it spreads organically across your teams.

When leaders get this right, something extraordinary happens. Teams turn into families. Purpose becomes shared. You find yourself thinking, I’d walk through fire for these people—and they’d do the same for me. Authentic inclusion isn’t a policy—it’s a posture. It’s love in leadership form.

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P.S.

If this message stirred something in you—share it. Forward it to a friend, colleague, or your leadership team. Better yet—let’s talk.

Let’s raise up a generation of leaders who know how to Lead to Win.

Mike Manazir
Bestselling Author | Navy Admiral | Fighter Pilot | Leadership Coach

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