What Eight Years at Sea Taught Me About Family

February 15, 2026 by Mike Manazir – (4-5 minutes)

The Cost of Being Gone, and the Wisdom of Being Present

I spent more than eight years of my life at sea.

That number doesn’t include workups—the short, disruptive periods between deployments that are often worse than being gone for six months straight. Over a thirty-six-year career, I deployed fifteen times for six months or more. For much of our marriage, I was gone nearly half the time.

My daughter Megan was born in February 1984. I deployed five months later. When I left, she was barely sitting up. When I came home, she ran to me on the flight line. I missed everything in between.

The dread of departure was always the same. The quiet car ride to the pier. No one talking. The rule was simple: don’t look back when you walk up the brow. Kelly would leave immediately. Everyone just wanted it over.

During workups, spouses often said the same thing: “I wish you’d just go on deployment so I can get used to you being gone.” Being gone became a refrain.

Career progression rewarded sustained superior performance at sea, so I deployed. Often twice in a row. It wasn’t strategy—it was timing. I happened to arrive just before deployments and stayed through the next one. I loved operating. I paid the price at home.

Before I accepted nuclear power school, I talked with Kelly and the kids. Megan said something that stopped me cold:

“What’s the difference, Dad? You’re always gone.” She was right.

Ryan was born in 1988 while I was on shore duty. That experience was different. I was present—for doctor visits, classes, delivery, and the months afterward. I remember his first laugh vividly. That bond stays with me.

Our family had become what I call a national asset—one of the many military families who endure long separations and still hold together. Kelly carried the heavier load. She was and remains my anchor.

As I became a senior leader, I began to seek balance intentionally. Balance doesn’t exist when you’re deployed—you’re simply gone. But when ashore, leaders have choices.

I encouraged my people to be present for family events. Birthdays. School functions. Coaching teams. You never get those moments back. I missed Megan’s entire senior year of high school except for graduation. That still stings.

I made balance a leadership priority—and modeled it. My team knew my policy. Later in my career, policies evolved. Fathers were allowed to leave deployments for the birth of a child. That mattered. But culture matters more than policy.

Leadership Lesson: Seek Balance—and Model It

Fear-driven leadership destroys trust. I once saw a senior leader routinely keep his staff late nights and weekends for work driven by his own urgency—not higher authority. One weekend he ordered work, then learned it was Easter. His response? “How many Jewish people do we have on staff?” No one worked that weekend. But the damage was done.

Leadership has no room for fear or selfishness. Orders must be necessary—not convenient, not ego-driven. Always check your motive. Leadership is a position of service, not privilege. There will be times when sacrifice is required—but only when it truly serves the mission, never because you can demand it.

Seek balance.
Protect families.
Model what matters.

Because success that costs everything isn’t success at all.

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P.S.

If this message stirred something in you—share it. Forward it to a friend, colleague, or your leadership team. Better yet—let’s talk.

Let’s raise up a generation of leaders who know how to Lead to Win.

Mike Manazir
Bestselling Author | Navy Admiral | Fighter Pilot | Leadership Coach

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