June 21st, 2026 by Mike Manazir – (4-5 minutes)
Emotional intelligence turns authority into influence.
How do you lead with emotional intelligence?
You lead with awareness. You pay attention to the person in front of you. You control your own reaction before shaping theirs.
People think emotional intelligence is soft. It is not. It is the discipline to know when to correct, coach, listen, and encourage.
I learned that lesson as Executive Officer—the Big XO—of USS Carl Vinson in 2001. As XO, I walked the ship constantly. The department heads knew I was looking for things we needed to fix.
One day I stepped into a filthy space just below the flight deck. A young sailor was on his hands and knees using a toothbrush to clean wax residue from the crevice between the bulkhead and the deck. The space belonged to Supply, so I keyed my brick radio.
“SuppO, XO.”
Before I could say anything else, the Supply Officer came back, “Yes, sir! Where are you?”
While I waited, the sailor saw me, jumped to attention, and started apologizing. He looked nervous. I had a choice.
I could have crushed him. I could have blamed him, embarrassed him, and used my rank to make a point. But that would not have made the space cleaner. It would have made that sailor smaller.
So I put my hand on his shoulder and said, “I want to thank you for what you’re doing. This is a hard space to keep clean. People walk through here all day long. I appreciate your effort. If nobody did what you’re doing, this place would stay filthy.”
That sailor probably thought nobody saw him. On a ship of 5,000 people, he may have believed his work did not matter. But that day, the XO saw him. And the XO said thank you.
Here’s the Truth – Every interaction either builds trust or burns it. You may forget the conversation five minutes later. The other person may remember it for years.
What Emotional Intelligence Really Means
It starts with self-awareness. You cannot lead your team well if you cannot lead your own emotions first. Under pressure, your reaction sets the temperature.
It also requires empathy. Empathy means seeing the situation through the other person’s eyes.
That sailor was not trying to fail. He was doing a thankless job in a hard place.
Good leaders still hold standards. I still expected the space to be clean. But standards land better when people know they are respected.
How Leaders Practice It
Notice effort. Praise specifically. Correct privately when you can. Ask before you assume. Slow down before you react. Hold the standard, but protect the person’s dignity.
When people feel valued, morale improves. When morale improves, ownership grows. When ownership grows, the whole team gets better.
Lead to Win Principle
People may forget your words, but they will never forget how you made them feel. Lead in a way that strengthens the person and the mission.
The Question
Are your daily interactions building trust—or burning it?
Next Week: How great leaders make tough decisions when every option carries a cost.
Want more powerful leadership lessons from Mike?
- Begin leading from the heart: Order Learn How to Lead to Win | The Manazir Maxims | Leadership Study Guide for Manazir Maxims
- Book Mike to Speak or for 1:1 Executive Coaching
P.S. Know someone trying to build up their people and lead with heart? Forward this to them. It might be the encouragement they need to keep going.
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Let’s lead to win together,
Mike Manazir
Retired Navy Rear Admiral | Bestselling Author | Keynote Speaker | Executive Coach